Chester L. Karrass once said, “In business, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.” The same might be said for life itself. This world is full of kind, hard-working people who are, put simply, getting screwed. Why? Because these people have not accepted the consequences of poor negotiation. They have not demanded the respect they deserve. They have allowed themselves to be taken advantage of.

Don't be this guy- and don't get screwed by him either.

This book was not written for the cut-throat salesman attempting to squeeze every cent of profit out of their next sale. No, this book was written for the “Average Joe” and “Average Jane” out there, trying to get a fair deal- nothing more, and nothing less.

To that end, this book is packed with good ideas. For example:

1. Invent options for mutual gain

All too often, negotiations are viewed in terms of a zero-sum game. If I pay you a bigger raise, the company loses profit. If I reduce the cost of my used car, I lose money. If I let you take off work Monday, that means more work on my plate instead. This sort of thinking is arduous, and negotiations based on this thinking quickly devolve into wars of attrition- contests of will that waste time, strain relationships, and in general, annoy everyone involved.

"Either we watch Dancing with the Stars, or we can stare at the wall for an hour."

As an alternative, consider the following example instead:

Two chefs are busy cooking at a prestigious restaurant. They are both working intently, staring down at the counter when their hands accidentally touch- both have reached for the last orange at this same moment. This is the off-season, and there are no other oranges to be had within 50 miles. Reputations- and egos- are on the line, and the pressure is on- hungry patrons are waiting to eat!

If you were one of these chefs, how would you handle this situation? Would you offer to split the orange 50/50? Or would you insist on the whole orange, so as not to ruin the recipe? Or, for this same reason, would you offer the whole orange to your colleague? “Getting to Yes” reminds us there is a better way- invent options for mutual gain.

"Give me the orange, and no one gets hurt..."

In this fictional example, the other chef wants the orange peel in order to bake with it; they are happy to leave the entire fruit to you. No argument is necessary- simply effective communication. Of course, in the real world, such a perfect solution is rare- but the thinking behind this solution is sound. Rather than dig-in to a war of attrition regarding who should get the orange, the two chefs were instead able to find a solution that satisfied both of their needs fully- a far better solution than any compromise could bring.

2. Negotiate based on objective standards

When a negotiation stalls, it can be helpful to take a step back, and reevaluate the terms of the negotiation itself. For example, imagine that you are selling your house, which you feel is worth $300,000. A potential buyer has offered you a mere $100,000, which you feel to be nothing less than insulting. At first glance, a negotiation appears impossible.

Pictured: my cozy 1200 sq ft dream house on 1.5 acres of pristine North Dakota wilderness.

The first and most important question to ask is: how did you arrive at this $100,000 price? To proceed in the negotiation, we must first understand why this buyer thinks this house is worth $100,000. The purpose of this question is not to bait the other party into an argument, but rather, to genuinely understand where the person is coming from. Consider the difference between these potential answers:

“The house around the corner is about the same size and quality, and it just sold for $100,000″

Versus:

“I’ve got a gut feeling that’s what this house is worth“

Magic 8-Ball tell me the truth: will this house ever be worth what I paid for it?

Clearly, someone in this scenario has some extremely unrealistic expectations. How can we determine the truth without offending? By turning to an objective standard. For example, the price per square foot as compared to similar homes that have recently sold in the same area. This is an amazingly powerful negotiating technique; once the other party has agreed to an objective standard, it is far easier to come to agreement.

And in all fairness, it may turn out that you have been the unrealistic one; your house is only worth about $100,000.  If so, now what do you do?

3. Always have a “BATNA” ready

Your “BATNA” is your Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement- the best-case scenario assuming the negotiation breaks down and no agreement can be found. For example, assume your house really is worth only $100,000- far less than you had been expecting. Perhaps you will stay in your home for another year and reevaluate. Perhaps you will rent out your house and move. Perhaps you will attempt to renegotiate your mortgage. Whatever you decide, before beginning any negotiation, you must first determine your BATNA.

When your BATNA is "be eaten" you often find the proper motivation to negotiate an agreement

Just this week I put my car into the shop to have the breaks repaired. While looking over the car, the mechanic noticed some other damage; needless to say, the repairs were going to be costly. After confirming the extent of the damage with the help of a buddy who is car-handy (and Google) it was time to accept reality- I had a very expensive negotiation ahead of me.

My first move? Define my BATNA. I could rent a car for about $120 per week. I could finance a new car for around $250 per month- assuming I was willing to make payments for 5 long years. I could take 12 payments of $250 and buy a used car for $3000, with the assumption it last at least a year or so. I decided this was my BATNA- if my repair was too expensive, I’d buy another used car.

I said BATNA, not BATMAN

While negotiating the cost of the repair, I reminded myself, and the mechanic, that at a certain cost it made more sense to buy a new car than to repair this one- I kept my BATNA handy. Psychologically, this is extremely powerful- don’t simply accept whatever terms are offered to you; be prepared to execute your BATNA when it makes sense to do so.

Pictured: the ultimate case study in negotiation, pre-Matrix Keanu

Simply stated: your BATNA is your parachute- the power to jump out of any high-stakes negotiation at any time for any reason.

This world is full of incompetent middle managers, ego-maniacal CEOs, and micromanaging supervisors who make life a living hell for millions of employees every day. Those guys suck. This book is not about how to become an ass-kissing middle manager, but rather, exposes the difference between leadership and management.

Don't be this guy.

Management is the process by which we maintain a system. That’s not what a leader is here to do. Leaders are here to inspire people to follow their vision, so that they might increase their influence over the world around them. Forget about managing- how do we become better leaders?

1. Leadership is based on respect, NOT on skills or abilities

In my “day job” as a web developer, I spend a lot of my time in meetings discussing the technical details of various web-based systems. In the past, I have found myself extremely frustrated when the client would ask “Mike from Marketing” or “Alice from Accounting” to decide on some critical issue, as opposed to me, the consultant specifically brought in to handle these issues. In my mind, it made as much sense as asking your attorney about heart surgery.

"I'm gonna have to agree with Bob here- the website does look better with wolves."

What I failed to understand is this: the client wasn’t making his decision based on skills, but respect. This client had nothing against me, he simply trusted and respected his staff members more. Sure, they had no specific knowledge about the website, but this was true of a lot of projects they had faced over the years. What the client knew for sure was this- his staff could be trusted, and he respected their opinions.

"Ok, ok. We can change the font. But the animated GIF stays."

As time went on, as I gained the respect of this client, he became more willing to listen to me, and less eager to consult his staff. As a result, I was able to lead this client through a project he had resisted for over a year.

2. All leaders make mistakes; only great leaders admit them

Think for a moment about a terrible boss or administrator you’ve had to deal with in your life. Think about some mistake they made which impacted you. Were you aware of the mistake? Were your co-workers aware of the mistake? Was the boss able to fool anyone other than himself? When you screw up, people know. What they don’t know is- are you going to take responsibility that mistake?

Even Homer Simpson is man enough to admit a mistake. Are you?

In the interest of avoiding political debate, let’s compare two leaders from the same political party. Consider for a moment George W. Bush, who left office with an approval rating around 22%. Until his final day in office he stood firm behind various controversial decisions of his administration. His historic unpopularity reflects the voting public’s opinion of that.

This guy confessed to nothing. He is now a punchline.

Ronald Reagan was another Republican President; he served during the 1980′s, a time at which Iran and America were fierce enemies. During Reagan’s second term, the Iran-Contra affair came to light, a situation whereby the Reagan Administration had facilitated the sale of weapons to Iran. Simply put, this scandal threatened to end Reagan’s presidency in disgrace.

This guy confessed to the Iran-Contra affair. He is now immortal.

How did Reagan deal with this? He went on television, faced the public, and admitted he had screwed up. He didn’t point fingers, he didn’t make excuses, and he didn’t mumble legal jargon. He admitted to serious wrong doing, that which could arguably be considered high treason. And yet, the American people accepted his apology; he left office with a 68% approval rating.

3. The greatest leaders are those who develop other leaders

If there is one trait which most clearly separates great leaders from the mediocre, it is this one. Sadly, in today’s corporate climate, many people are nervous about the poor economy, nervous about the future of their own careers. As a result, some of these people make the unfortunate decision to push their subordinates down, rather than help pull them up. They steal credit from, and undermine their own staff, fearful that their own position might be threatened by the growth of a qualified employee.

In the animal kingdom, it looks like this. Crabs will pull each other back into the bucket, rather than working together to escape.

Great leaders understand this strategy is foolish because they understand the power of multiplication. As a leader, if I add a follower to my team, our collective ability is increased only marginally- these followers will only do what I tell them to do. However, when I add a new leader to my team, our collective ability increases exponentially. There is a multiplication effect in play here. As I develop leaders capable of developing leaders themselves, I can magnify my own influence far beyond the limits of my direct control.

Kinda like a pyramid scam, minus the scam part.

Think about giant companies like Coca-cola or GM. The top executive of those massive organizations couldn’t possibly lead every task themselves, even if they were provided with a million willing followers. Without other leaders to help carry out the greater vision, the CEOs of those companies would be helpless.

Some of them are helpless anyway.

If you need more leadership in your project or organization, you must develop better leaders. Your only other option is to buy them, and as the leaders of our world will tell you- they don’t come cheap.

I’ve always rooted for the underdog; perhaps this is why I like Les Brown as much as I do. I consider him the “Pepsi” to Tony Robbin’s “Coke”- not quite as big when it comes to branding, but in my honest opinion, the clearly superior product. The simple fact of the matter is this- I am who I am today largely because I was exposed to Mr. Les Brown as an energetic, hungry 17-year-old.

In the immortal words of Les Brown: “Most people fail in life, not because they aim too high and miss…most fail in life because they aim too low, and hit“. Clearly, on the stage, this man is pure magic. But how does he handle the written word?

1. Just because its cheesy doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable

Ok, I can admit it- sometimes this “self-help” or “life coaching” or “motivational” stuff can be a little on the cheesy side. You see, Les Brown isn’t discussing the intellectual merit of fine art, minutia of our economic policy,  or even peace in the Middle East. That isn’t the purpose of this book.

Don't pretend like you don't know where this image is from.

This book is here to inspire and to motivate you. And sometimes, the best way to do that is a good ole’ fashioned pat-on-the-back.  And, if you’ve already seen Les Brown’s video materials, a lot of the stories in his book will already be familiar to you. As a matter of fact a lot of the best ideas in this book aren’t new. As a matter of fact, this book is filled with things you already probably know. So why read it? Because sometimes we need to remind ourselves of some simple truths.

Cheesy? Yes. Awesome? Yes.

Admit it- sometimes you forget how awesome you are. Its ok- it happens to the best of us. And sometimes it helps to be reminded that you kick ass, and have all the power you need to achieve your every goal. Sure, it goes without saying, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t nice to hear every once in awhile.

2. Little changes yield big results

A few years ago I went skydiving with my wife and a friend of ours named Eric. Later that night, we played a game of Monopoly. In the course of the game, Eric landed on a particular properly, and was torn- unsure whether or not he should buy it, or auction it.

As you can see, we take our Monopoly very seriously around here.

My wife laughed, and pointed out that he was more upset about this simple decision in a friendly game than he had been about skydiving. It was true: earlier that same day I had watched as Eric jumped from that plane without a shred of hesitation. Meanwhile, in our game of Monopoly, he was sweating visibly, looking around nervously, like a meth addict eager to score his next fix. His issue was analysis paralysis- over-thinking an otherwise simple decision.

I've got 99 problems, but a meth addiction ain't one.

Perhaps you know someone like Eric, or perhaps you yourself have trouble making decision. What can be done to overcome this limitation? Practice. Make a small choice- like what to wear to work, or what to eat for dinner. As you practice the small choices, build up to bigger issues. Take the issue, and reduce it into smaller components. Tackle the components, and as you do, you will have conquered the issue in the process.

3. A terrible childhood is NOT an excuse to fail

Childhood is a funny thing. I’ve yet to meet anyone who thought that their childhood was perfectly fair. In moments of self-pity, it can be tempting to tell ourselves that every problem we have is the result of a failed childhood. If only dad had been around… if only mom had loved me more… if only I had gotten that toy for my 9th birthday…

If you owned any of these, your childhood was at least "pretty good"

No matter how rough you had it, the odds are pretty good that Les Brown has you beat in the “lousy childhood” category. He was born in Liberty City, Florida, a poor neighborhood near Miami. He was abandoned by his biological parents, adopted by a poor single mother, and labeled “educable, mentally retarded” while attending school.

It may shock you to learn: allegedly-retarded children abandoned in poor neighborhoods rarely do especially well. However, Les Brown, refused to be limited by these humble beginnings. Starting as a radio DJ he began a career which has since included community activism, being elected to the Florida State Senate, and more recently, running a multimillion dollar organization specializing in his own motivational products.

Although many allegedly-retarded people are successful at politics, very few are also self-made multimillionaires.

This is what a self-made man looks like. And if Les Brown can do it, you can too.

In the 75 years since it was first published, How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold more than 15 million copies worldwide, and it has been republished well over a dozen times.

"Yep- it says it right here... I'm a genius..."

In preparation for this article, I read both the classic 1980′s Edition (published nearly 30 years ago) and the much more recent How to Win Friends and Influence in the Digital Age. Contrasting these two editions helped me to get a better feel for the material. It also helped me realize a few things. For example:

1. The way we communicate has completely changed in the past 30 years

Thirty years ago, there was no Internet. There was no email, Facebook or Twitter. If you wanted to talk to someone, you called them on the phone, sent them a fax, mailed a letter, or hustled your butt over for an actual face-to-face meeting.

Business meeting, circa 1930

In this modern age, we routinely communicate with family, handle our banking and shopping, and watch full-length movies without ever looking away from our computer screen. There are entire companies which exist without a physical office. Full-time staff is replaced with freelancers; meetings are replaced with telecommuting. And as we continue along into the 21st Century, there is no reason to expect this trend to reverse.

Business meeting, circa 2020

If anything, the modern age suffers from a glut of communication. Emails, tweets and Facebook updates offer constant distractions, leading to a weary and cynical audience. However, if you approach these new technologies with sincerity, they can allow a level of communication never thought possible. Following a person’s tweets, or paying attention to the updates on their Facebook page, can be a great way to get to know someone a little better.

Simply stated: social media can be used (poorly) as just another sales channel, or, more appropriately, it can foster genuine relationships. Approach it with cynicism, and your audience will too. Thankfully the same is true of sincerity.

2. The key to making friends is taking interest in others

The book summarizes this point like so:

You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

The next time you walk down the street, pay attention to the people around you. Men in neatly pressed suits. Women covered in makeup and jewelry. Multicolored hairstyles. Witty t-shirt slogans. What do these things have in common? We are each eager for a little attention.

In the animal kingdom it looks a little something like this

Unfortunately, we have all been shouting at each other, so loudly, for so long, that we have all fallen somewhat deaf. This presents us a unique opportunity.

Rather than attempt to get others to notice you, attempt to notice others. Compliment that nice hairdo. Ask about an interesting slogan on a t-shirt. We are all eager to make friends with each other, and most of us aggressively advertise this fact.

Hey man- this might sound a bit crazy, but would you be down for a lightsaber fight?

Remember: you are only a few questions away from a new friend.

3. When we criticize people it really messes them up

In the 1970s a pair of scientists by the name of Shrauger & Rosenberg did a series of studies on the subject of “self-esteem“. During these studies,  subjects were repeatedly criticized, and their objective performance level declined. When repeatedly praised, they did better. In other words, simply criticizing was enough to have profound effects on performance, even long after the criticism itself.

Pictured: ineffective communication

But is this really surprising? Not at all. It has long been established that positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement. If you want your kid to do his homework, don’t punish him for slacking off; reward him for completing his assignments. When your employee makes a mistake, don’t scream in his face; remind him that you appreciate his effort. When house-training the dog, don’t smack him in the nose with a newspaper if he pees on the rug; give him a treat after he pees outside.

Pictured: effective communication

Never underestimate the damage done by your criticism, nor the power of your praise.

The Bottom Line

• “How to Win Friends & Influence People” is to the self-improvement genre what “Lord of the Rings” is to the fantasy genre. If you are serious about this subject, you need to read this book.
• Most of the material is obvious, and yet, somehow enlightening. I found myself frequently thinking “why didn’t that occur to me?” while reading.
• “…in the Digital World” is, by far, the superior edition. Not only does it include in-depth discussion of modern communication formats (e.g. Twitter, Facebook, etc), it also includes several fresh examples, pulled from the headlines of the past year or two.
• The secret to friendship according to this book? The Golden Rule: treat others as you would have them treat you.


G || ---------|---------|---------|---------|---------|
D || ---------|---------|12-------|11-------|---------|
A || 10-------|13-------|---------|---------|9--------|
E || ---------|---------|---------|---------|---------|


G || ---------|---------|---------|---------|---------|
D || ---------|---------|11-------|10-------|---------|
A || ---------|11-------|---------|---------|---------|
E || 13-------|---------|---------|---------|12-------|


G || ---------|---------|---------|---------|
D || ---------|---------|13-------|12-------|
A || ---------|10-------|---------|---------|
E || 11-10-11-|---------|---------|---------|


G || ---------|---------|---------|---------|
D || ---------|---------|12-------|11-------|
A || ---------|10-------|---------|---------|
E || 10-9-10--|---------|---------|---------|


G || ---------|--------|-----------|-----------|----------|
D || ---------|--10--10|---------11|---11-14-11|13-10-----|
A || ---9-12-9|12--12--|13-10-13---|13---------|------12-9|
E || 10-------|--------|-----------|-----------|----------|



G || --B-----|--------|
D || ----F#--|------D-|
A || B-----B-|--A-B---|
E || --------|F#------|


Main riff variation (used for every-other line of the verse… Get a good job with more pay…Grab that cash with both hands…):


G || --------|--------|
D || ---D----|------D-|
A || B-----B-|--A-B---|
E || --------|F#------|


When Dave sings: New car, caviar, four star daydream…(still in 7/4 time)


G || -----------|-----------|-----------|-----------|
D || F#-F#-F#---|--------F#-|F--E-------|---------D-|
A || ---------C#|---A-C#----|------B----|---A--B----|
E || -----------|F#---------|--------E--|F#---------|


During the sax solo, play main riff (x8) then move up to 7th fret and play this (x4):


G || --E-----|------------|
D || ----B---|------------|
A || E-----E-|------E--F#-|
E || --------|B--C#-------|


Switch to 4/4 time and get ready for 3 solos…

Riff One in 4/4:


G || ----------|
D || ----D-----|
A || AhB---C#-C|
E || ----------|


Riff Two in 4/4:


G || ----------|
D || E-D#-D---|
A || -------C#|
E || ----------|


Play Riff One (x8) then Riff Two (x4) then Riff One (x4) and then…

Get ready…(x2)


G || ------------|
D || ------F#-E-D|
A || ------------|
E || F#-F#-------|


Best. Riff. Ever.


G || B-A-G-|-------|-------|
D || ------|F#-E-D-|-------|
A || ------|-------|C#-C-B-|
E || ------|-------|-------|


Remember: after third solo return to main riff and 7/4 time for last verse.

Tab:

Intro:


G || --------|--------|----------|
D || 0-2-4-7-|5-4-2-0-|--2---2-0-|
A || --------|--------|3---3-----|
E || --------|--------|----------|


Verse:


G || --------|--------|--------|--------|
D || --------|--------|--------|--------|
A || 5-5-5-5-|5-5-5-5-|3-3-3-3-|3-3-3-3-|
E || --------|--------|--------|--------|


G || --------|--------|--------|--------|
D || --------|--------|--------|----5-4-|
A || 2-2-2-2-|3-3-3-3-|5-5-5-5-|5-5-----|
E || --------|--------|--------|--------|


Chorus (play each bar twice):


G || --------|--------|--------|--------|
D || --------|--------|--------|--------|
A || 5-5-5-5-|7-7-7-7-|3-3-3-3-|5-5-5-5-|
E || --------|--------|--------|--------|


AlphaTab:

Intro:


G || --------|--------|----------|
D || D-E-F#-A|G-F#-E-D|--E---E-D-|
A || --------|--------|C---C-----|
E || --------|--------|----------|


Verse:


G || --------|--------|--------|--------|
D || --------|--------|--------|--------|
A || D-D-D-D-|D-D-D-D-|C-C-C-C-|C-C-C-C-|
E || --------|--------|--------|--------|


G || --------|--------|--------|--------|
D || --------|--------|--------|----G-F#|
A || B-B-B-B-|C-C-C-C-|D-D-D-D-|D-D-----|
E || --------|--------|--------|--------|


Chorus (play each bar twice):


G || --------|--------|--------|--------|
D || --------|--------|--------|--------|
A || D-D-D-D-|E-E-E-E-|C-C-C-C-|D-D-D-D-|
E || --------|--------|--------|--------|



G || ----------------
D || 2-2-5-2---------
A || --------5-3-2---
E || ----------------


Main riff varies slightly when the guitar comes in:


G || ------------------
D || 2-2-5-2-----------
A || --------5-3-5-3-2-
E || ------------------


Simple fill when the guitar comes in:


G || --------------------------------
D || --------------------------------
A || --------------------------------
E || 3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-


Songs for beginners